For No Reason
by melloschocolatebars
Summary: Roxy reacts badly to Dirks last message. Being drunk doesn't make it easy to fully comprehend your own actions. Especially ones that could leave you on the verge of life and death. ((DirkRoxy Sadstuck oneshot. Serious TW: Cutting, drinking, sad themes in general.))


Putting on makeup for no reason. That's how morning goes. Brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash up, get dressed. For no reason.

My hand trails its way from one wall to the next as I search for a switch I already know how to find. I guess its just more fun this way. The light comes to a slow flicker before shining much too bright for my eyes to handle. I flick it back off.

I might as well lay down. Sleep for another hour or something. Not like I have anything better to do when I'm the only other person left on this planet.

The sun finally starts shining through my window and my eyes flutter open. Black lipstick is smeared all over the pillow case. I slide it off my pillow and grab some other clothes and throw them in the washer.

I stumble back into the bathroom and take out my makeup again. I style my hair and make sure it is absolutely perfect. Gotta impress nobody.

My smile doesn't quite reach my eyes as I stare into the mirror for a few long minutes.

I start towards the kitchen and lazily look into my cupboards. Opening and closing every single one until I decide on a nice cold beer. The bitter taste definitely isn't my favorite, but I'm starting to run low.

I open the bottle and make my way over to my desk and sit down. I take a drink before opening my laptop. No one's online this early.

Before I know it, the bottle is empty and I'm going up to grab another one. Just as cold as the first and just as lousy. I set the bottle on the counter and reached my hand over to grab the half empty pack of cheap cigarettes sitting on the windowsill. Bad habit I guess, but I don't have anyone to tell me different. I wouldn't tell any of my friends. They would just get on my case about another thing I shouldn't be doing at sixteen. I take the stick into my mouth and grab the barbeque lighter.

I hear the door knock and I almost drop the smoke. I run and swing open the door only to see one of the little chess people. Sigh. I give them a small jar of candies and send them on their way. I lean against the closed door and slide down. I hope that one day someone, anyone will be standing behind that door.

I walk back over to my drink and then back to the desk. Rotating in between my drink and the cigarette. Taking a long drag, than chugging down the rest of the bottle. I throw the butt into a makeshift tinfoil ash tray. I'm on my usual course back to the fridge when I hear a beep on my pesterchum. Finally.

TG: Hahaha thats grate!1

TG: I'll brb k

The conversation was going great. Even though neither Dirk nor I had anything new or interesting to talk about, it was nice.

New drink, new cigarette.

TG: K Im back

TT: I think we shouldn't be friends anymore.

TG: Hehehe funny joke Strider now rly wut did u want 2 talk about

TT: No I'm serious Roxy. I don't want to talk to you ever again.

TG:...

TT: Bye, Roxy

timaeusTestified ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic

What day is it again?

I'm laying in a drunken mess on the kitchen floor. A burning cancer stick in my right and booze in my left. I watch teary-eyed as ashes burn their way into the linoleum floor. Empty bottles and broken glass is cluttering the small living area.

I bring a lazy, shaking hand up to my mouth and breath in the toxic gasses. Another sip doesn't quite go down the right way and I'm reduced to a coughing, sputtering puddle of self hatred.

I'm sobbing now. Standing in front of my bathroom mirror. The objects in my hands have changed. I'm leaning over the sink and holding a sharpened blade. Not quite sure what to do with it, I take it up to hazy eyes and give it a smile. I have a small conversation with it before feeling the tingling quality it has over my skin. I put it against my arm and glide it slowly. My mind is much too influenced to fully understand exactly what is happening. All I see is a lovely shade of rouge covering my skin.

There is a knock on my front door. Not now little chess people. I don't have anything to give you. I would answer the door if I could pick myself up from the ground. I'll try again, but my joints are far too weak. Sorry, come back next time.

But then, the door opens. Last time I checked they weren't even tall enough to reach the handle. The thought didn't last long. Everything I thought about was flying quickly, in and out through my brain. I didn't comprehend the arms scooping me up. It did feel like I was flying for a moment, then landing on a bed of clouds. I smiled at the softness beneath me.

I remember tingling around my wrists, soft motions, then a tight pressure. Then darkness.

Crying, or sobbing rather. Loud and not at all like I've heard on videos. It was kind of annoying to say the least. I groaned at my throbbing headache like I usually do after a night of heavy drinking. It was especially bad this morning. I felt a scratchy material against my forehead. I looked down at my arms to see peachy bandages covering them. I sit up, ignoring the blood rush to my head, and furrow my eyebrows.

I scream as I feel arms getting wrapped around me. The source of the sobbing being evident as his whole body shakes.

My mind races and my heart skips as I try to remember the past events. I remember the cold blade, the burning flooring, the broken bottles...Dirk. I look up at the blonde, spiky hair then down to my arms again. I choke out a loud whimper as the hands resting on my back, claw at my shirt. I can barely breath as tears sting at my cheeks.

The thought of another human so close was terrifying, exciting. But this wasn't how I imagined it to be like. I imagined cleaning my house the day before, baking cookies from Jane's recipe book she sent me, getting all dolled up, tears of joy. And now here I am! Meeting another human for the first time! My house is a disgusting disaster, my hair is matted, makeup smeared, and I'm sitting on the verge of life and death.

Most of all I felt guilty. What was supposed to be an amazing, life changing moment turned out to be whatever you would suppose this is.

And then I remembered, and I got angry. His little joke; telling me that we shouldn't talk anymore is what drove me to this. I pushed him away and watched him stumble back. He stuttered at the sudden movement. As soon as I seen his face, the anger completely melted away.

I stuttered trying to get the furious words out of my mouth.

"Y-you, your fault. Y-you're the-" But he was breath taking. I've seen him over webcam, but this was completely different. Breathing, in-the-flesh, Dirk Strider was standing in front of me.

I instantly felt a pain in my heart. I couldn't believe I even bothered trying to blame him for this. Both our tears started up again. He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back into him, holding me tighter than before.

"I'm s-sorry, I'm so, so sorry. Roxy I didn't know. It was stupid. I was stupid,"

"Golly, Dirk shut up. I-it isn't your fault. I over reacted. It's okay," I ran my hands curiously over his back and at the nape of his neck. I explored the crease between his shoulder blades and the muscles on his arms.

"It is though, Roxy! I shouldn't have ever scared you like that. This was supposed to be so special and I fucked it up-" I placed my fingers to his lips, quieting him instantly. They were so different from mine. I slid across his eyebrows and made an attempt at a laugh while tracing his ears.

His features softened as I learned what it was like to feel another human. He lifted a hand up to my arm and cautiously ran his fingers down the skin. I softly giggled, being entranced with every motion of Dirk's rough hands. His arm jerked away as I laughed, his expression as shocked as mine. I latched onto his wrist and pulled his hand softly to my cheek. I let his palm caress my tear strewn face.

What a perfect little disaster. We must have spent at least an hour and a half exploring these new emotions. We stared into each others eyes, searching to find words within what some may call "the gateways to the soul". We were silent until we could both tell it was time to speak. And even then, we only made small whispers of talk.

Video games. Old cool ones. And... Soda and junk way to forget about everything.

For that time we could forget about being the only two people on this miserable planet. Forget about the endless possibilities of death. Forget about growing up. Dirk and I, being only sixteen, could spend a little time to finally act our age for once.


End file.
